GEMS OF LIFE

"Imagine LiFE as a game in which you are juggling some FIVE balls in the air. You name them - WORK,FAMILY,HEALTH, FRIENDS and SPIRIT and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that

WORK is a Rubber Ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other Four balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit - ARE MADE OF GLASS.

If you drop one of these, they will be Irrevocably scuffed, Marked, Nicked, Damaged or even SHATTERED. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE."

How? Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, Life is Meaningless. Don't let your Life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, YOU LIVE, ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LiFE.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave. Don't shut LOVE out of your Life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to RECEIVE LOVE is to GIVE, the fastest way to LOSE LOVE is to HOLD it too TIGHTLY , and the BEST way to KEEP LOVE is to give it WINGS.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

Yesterday is HiSTORY,
Tomorrow is a MYSTERY and
Today is a GIFT , that's why we call it THE PRESENT. 

NO PROBLEM !!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Walt Disney's "The Lion King", children the world over know the Swahili expression "Hakuna Matata". It means "No Problem" and we grown-ups should use it more often.


It is easy to turn a minor disruption into a major disaster. Don't do it! It lowers the energy of everyone involved and makes you want to run away. Instead, take the energy you are wasting on worrying and complaining about the "ifs", "buts" and "shoulds" - and direct it toward finding the solution.

Problem-solving requires awareness and becoming aware of the problem is often enough to solve it. To sharpen your awareness, take a look at the problem from three different perspectives:

1. Accept that the problem is really just a FACT, or set of facts.
Situation: You parked in a no-parking zone and your car was just towed.

You may be furious about it, but the fact remains that the car was towed. If you detach yourself momentarily from your feelings, and look strictly at the facts, it will be easier to put things into perspective. Just imagine that someone else's car was towed. Would you feel the same about it? Probably not! You would probably think, "Well that's what happens when you park in a tow-away zone."

So, act as if the problem belonged to your neighbor and not yourself...
Now, there are no more problems - only facts!

2. Be willing to see your problem as a CHALLENGE.What's more fun: dealing with a problem, or facing a new challenge?

Situation: You've just had another fight with someone close. Arguing is not going to achieve anything.

You can treat the situation (or the person) as a problem, or you can choose to see it as a challenge: "How can I create a harmonious, understanding relationship with that person?" Instead of looking backward into the past ("How many times I've tried, and still it doesn't work"), you look forward to the future ("Let's see how I can make a difference").

The heaviness of the situation is gone, and excitement takes over...
Now, there are no more problems - only challenges!

3. Recognize the problem as an OPPORTUNITY.In reality, every obstacle is a chance to learn something new and grow: "The obstacle is the path."

Situation: Your boss just gave you two weeks notice. You're shocked, angry, worried, feeling insecure.

You can see it as a problem ("What am I going to do now?" "Where will I earn money?" "I'm too old to change"), or you can see the possibilities open to you that were not there before: "Now I finally can take the around-the-world tour I always dreamed about", "Now it's time to open my own business", "Here's my chance to find a better job".

Contemplate many of the opportunities you've had in your life; probably many opened up when you were in trouble...
Now, there are no more problems - only opportunities!


The key element in this problem-solving process is the conscious act of taking personal responsibility.

Reshaping problems into facts, challenges and opportunities will allow you to accept that you are in charge of your "problem".

You can no longer play the "blame game" because the problem is no longer something that was forced upon you from an outside source (other people, circumstances, etc...)

You are no longer a powerless victim!

If it's affecting your life, you must have something to do with it; therefore you can do something about it.


Often, you don't even have to take action in the physical sense. Simply changing your point of view may be sufficient for the problem to disappear on its own.

The closer you are to an issue, the harder it can be to be creative about it. So try taking a step back from your situation and invite others who are not close to it to brainstorm solutions with you.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What are the facts?
• What are the challenges?
• What opportunities are presented?
• How will a solution make my life better than it was before?
• What is it that I have to learn in order to deal with the situation differently?

Remember that NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.

When people tell me that something is impossible, I ask them, "How can you do it anyway?"

That simple question has the power to transform lives.

Imagine what would have happened if people like the Wright Brothers, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, J.F.K. and Gandhi used the word "impossible"? Where would humanity be today?

We all tend to look at some problems as impossible to solve or beyond our power. "It's impossible to talk to my mother, she just won't listen!"

But if you ask yourself instead, "How can I talk to her?" then, suddenly, ideas emerge (i.e. take her for a quiet lunch, include a third person in the conversation, write her a letter).

Changing your language changes your outlook.

Really, most "impossible" things are just "difficult" and can be achieved with some effort and a new "no problem" attitude.

FINAL SATISFACTION>>>>>>>>>

Are you looking for satisfaction and fulfillment?

To be satisfied and fulfilled you must do something you love to do. But it is not always easy to do that.

You will find yourself drifted away from doing what you love and do other things to just make a living.

You may be successful but not satisfied and your soul may be looking for something bigger to pursue.

Without being clear about the reason why you are here in life you will not feel passionate about what you do and you will not experience true satisfaction and fulfillment.

Everything in life has a reason for existence. Until you discover the reason for your existence you will not live a life of awakened soul.

Without a purpose you will be sidetracked in your life’s journey. You will drift from your right path and achieve little. You will not be able to inject passion and enthusiasm in the activities you do.

Without a purpose you will lose your power in front of hard times. When you face challenges you need a strong will and a motivator to help you persist and stand against challenges. You need a guide to help you decide how to respond to difficult moments in your life. So, having a purpose and a big dream empower you against obstacles in your life’s journey.

Without a purpose you will not excel at what you do. You only become your best when you do something you love because it reflects your highest talents. You will find yourself gaining energy from your work and feel like you want to be working on it forever. And you will be willing to learn and improve yourself everyday.

Without a purpose you will not be able to give your best and serve others. When your actions align with your life purpose you will find yourself automatically serving others.

Having purpose makes it easier to achieve what you want. Because when you have a clear vision and purpose you will radiate powerful positive energy that will attract people, resources, and opportunities that will help you achieve what you want.

Everyday your mind receives tons of information and will only filter what is important to you. So your purpose will act as a powerful filter that will fine tune all the information you receive and select what matches with your life purpose.

Be clear why you are here and discover your purpose of existence. This will create a meaning to your life and work and attract all people, resources and opportunities to help you achieve your goals faster than you can imagine.

Start now discovering the purpose behind everything you do and live life full of passion and satisfaction.

My friend you can make a difference.

I believe in you.

BORING LIFE .............. AVOID IT ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

                 Over the centuries, many religions and philosophers (not to mention mothers!) have feared and even damned boredom. he poet Wordsworth described it as a “savage torpor”. Early Christians classified it as one of the seven deadly sins. Even today, we talk about being “bored to death”, “bored stiff” and “bored to tears”. Crime waves are often blamed on disaffected youths who claim they cannot find anything useful to do.
                 However, I propose that we reverse this fear of boredom because, in addition to negatively numbed minds, there are also constructively bored minds. If one is brave enough to hang out with boredom for a while , they will find that boredom can be the great motivator and a push to develop one’s inner self.
                 Writer F. Scott Fitzgerald felt that boredom can be tool for developing creativity. He wrote, “Boredom is not an end product; it is, comparatively, rather an early stage in life and art. You’ve got to go by or past or through boredom, as through a filter, before the clear product emerges.”
                  Boredom seems to have been the mechanism that prompted me to clear my mind and refocus. Sometimes I’d go for a walk or clean the kitchen. But I didn’t stay bored for long, because I began to look around and notice things I hadn’t seen before – including new thoughts. Maybe the unfocused time had allowed my mind to rest and my subconscious to scan the horizon for a new perspective, which was followed by new interest in the task at hand. For whatever reason, soon I would be back engrossed in productive work. And inevitably, that work would be better than what I was producing earlier.
                  
                      I remember as an only child feeling bored sometimes (at least that is how it was labeled at the time), especially during summer vacation when my time wasn’t programmed by somebody else. If my mother noticed, she would nag at me to “do something”, then she might create some busy work to try and alleviate my boredom. It seldom worked, possibly because I was stubborn enough to reject her suggestions on general principle, probably because she confused solitude with idleness, maybe because you can’t alleviate somebody else’s boredom for them, and often because I wasn’t really bored, but tinkering, messing about, just looking like I was doing nothing. And sometimes, my cries of boredom were really cries for my mother’s attention, rather than for one of her projects designed to keep me out of her way. Eventually my down time would end and I would find something new and more challenging to do than the busy work she provided. If left alone long enough, boredom motivated me, forced me to lean on my own inner resources, to develop my imagination and to envision wonderful possibilities. Maybe I was subconsciously looking for things that would let me experience flow! And probably there was lots going on in my subconscious while I was bored, which surfaced at some later time.

                  At other times, I remember being bored because I was disinterested in what the adults around me were chatting about. Bored with the conversation, I would become enthralled with people’s voices and with the sounds of their words and their accents. Later, in the safety of my own room, I would try to replicate those accents, an activity which no doubt increased my vocabulary and trained my ear for future projects.
                  We certainly would, I believe, be a calmer group of people. One morning, as I sat writing at a wimpy  café (churchgate) , I wondered whether all the people speeding by me were really fruitfully engaged in the world, or if their rushing to and fro was mostly an effort to avoid boredom, to keep their minds active and engaged.
What if, I wondered, as I enjoyed the sites and smells of the early morning, more people paid attention to the journey of life, not just the destination? What if they paid more attention to their experiences moment by moment? I suspect they would find that boredom is, as F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, a filter through which emotions, experiences and, yes, solitude can pass, resulting in a soaring of creativity and imagination – not to mention less stress. They might also find that it can be an alarm bell, motivating us to alter the way we are thinking, living and learning. Unlike caged animals whose neural pathways are altered by their boredom to the point that all they can do is pace, we humans have the potential to break through anything that limits our happiness and creativity, boredom included.

ARE YOU LIVING LIFE OR JUST SURVIVING ???????

There’s more to living than only surviving. Maybe I’m not there, but I’m still trying.
— The Offspring, Staring at the Sun

I recently read a self-help book about challenging yourself in the face of adversity, that argued the importance of reacting positively to unexpected life changes.  This was the second time I read Jon Gordon’s The Shark and the Goldfish, and it really got me thinking.
The book uses a short story to draw a parallel to life’s unexpected changes.  It’s about a goldfish that leads a happy life in his bowl until he’s accidentally swept into the ocean during a trip to the beach.  In the open water where no one feeds him, he’s convinced that he’s done for until a friendly shark teaches him to fend for himself.
The story is incredibly corny, and the first time I read it I dismissed it immediately.  It wasn’t until I needed to read it again for a book review I was asked to write that I began to appreciate its message.
The author states that he’s received considerable criticism about just how short and simple The Shark and the Goldfish is.  According to Gordon, critics believe books “must be long and complicated to be significant.”  Typically, I would agree with that mindset — but the fact that this tiny book has inspired me to write more than one article about it makes me recognize how its success is a result of its succinctness.
The most profound dialogue in the story comes from the shark, in a conversation where he challenges the goldfish’s thinking:

“You know what your problem is?”
“I’m starving and no one will feed me.”
“No, you are waiting to be fed.”

Waiting to be fed.  When the words hit me, I likened myself to the goldfish in the bowl — content with his life as long as he was being fed.  I wondered how many of us simply go through the motions of life without actually living.
Refusing to venture outside of our fishbowl-routine isn’t living, it’s just … surviving.  The fact that we often need something drastic to force us out of the bowl and to quit sleepwalking through our lives is disappointing.
Unexpected things that forever change our lives happen to all of us.
Year 2010 ,I reacted out of necessity.It was the toughest year of my life, and I remember a cycle of emotions where I bounced from being angry, to sad, to worried and back again all the time. Everything was wrong that time .It was a time when I was trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.
The positive things that came out of that experience and everything again got right and i eliminated from my life all wrong things. It’s difficult to maintain a positive attitude when the world is shitting on you, but in the face of adversity you manage to find a way.  During these challenging times you recognize how you can’t control the events in your life.  You can, however, choose how you react to them.

The same is true for when you’re living comfortably.  When nothing’s going on outside of your routine, you can choose to stagnate and feel content with the way things are.   You’ll end up waiting until something unexpected forces you to take action.
On the other hand, you can choose to challenge yourself and be progressive by working towards your personal development goals.  Although you may suffer some embarrassment or the occasional blow to your pride when things don’t work out the way you want them to, you’re still trying.  This is the difference between living and surviving, and it’s your choice.
Once you recognize that, you’ll understand that you have more control over your life than ever.

IT FEEL'S HAPPY TO BE ALONE !!!!!!!!!!!

Is it? Is the experience of my own loneliness really that uncomfortable – or transformative?

Depending on where we are in our relationship with our own loneliness, we may have different interpretations for this image.

 I marched right into that space where I often feel inexplicably lonely, and I sat down to wait.
It didn’t take long. Before five minutes had passed I started to squirm. To fidget. To THINK.
Oh god. The thinking. That’s the worst.

Trying to escape from our own fundamental human loneliness is like trying to find lasting comfort while sitting cross-legged. We settle into a position and hunker down for a relaxing rest. But then our knee starts to hurt. So we shift positions. “Ahhhh, much better,” we think. Then our foot falls asleep. So we shift again. “Yup, this is the ticket. I’m fine now.” But then our lower back starts to spasm…

You get the picture.
 Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.
 By resting in the middle is avoiding the temptation to do something – anything – at the first twinges of loneliness. If we have an eating disorder, we might look to the refrigerator – or stay away. If we are single, we might join a dating site. If we are a drinker we might reach for the bottle. If we have an intense job we might throw ourselves more deeply into our work. But if we are not at ease in the presence of our own loneliness, what is sure is that we will do something to try to escape it.

The point is that in all these activities, we are seeking companionship in our usual, habitual way, using our same old repetitive ways of distancing ourselves from the demon loneliness. Could we just settle down and have some compassion and respect for ourselves? Could we stop trying to escape being alone with ourselves?
.
So what did I discover – after forcing myself to just sit still, to observe and experience what it feels like to be “lonely me”?
I discovered that it is possible. To just sit. To be with myself. To feel lonely and not die from it. To feel lonely and survive it without doing one single thing to distract myself or try to push it away.
I also discovered that, behind the space where the lonely feelings hang out, there is a peace. There is direct comparison between loneliness and contentment, and I had never thought of contentment in that way before.
But when I took some time to not just think about it but feel my way into it, I found it to be true. Contentment is accepting and enjoying what is, right in this moment now. Another word for contentment might be mindfulness. And another word for mindfulness might be loneliness. We are often – always – alone with ourselves. This will never change.
Let us  draws another parallel between loneliness and discipline. The discipline of mindfulness and the discipline of loneliness and the discipline of contentment are one and the same.
In other words, loneliness can be a true friend and a mentor to us….if we will let it. Loneliness can teach us that our own company is not a last resort, our only option, or something we should strive to avoid at all costs.
Loneliness can offer a comfort that nothing else can match, as we relax into what is, and begin to enjoy each moment just as it is, whether we are keeping good company with others or with ourselves.

CONTROL YOUR SELF ...................

Self control the key to live happy life

In the currently quick speed world wherein is always an aggressive competition, an individual requires being in fact intelligent and smart to counterpart his or her stride with this increasing world. In this competition in opposition to time individuals are full of activity gaining gigantic quantities of cash without considering the costs. For gaining cash this type of individuals are able to go to any level. They do not comprehend that this existence offered to them by almighty is not for gaining world pleasures but there is much additional significance associated to their existence. On the other hand, there is no such magnificent classification of human conduct that is able to be clarified because it is subjected to the environment and character of the individual. Having the increasing demand for experienced pleasures, there has been a severe modification in human nature and it is able to be expanded by a plain method of self-control.

There are actually a lot of things in life that are simply uncontrollable and you are not able to do whatever thing in relation to it. However there is definitely this one thing, which just you are able to manage and that is you yourself. For simplifying this with an example – how numerous instances you have set the alarm watch for the morning stroll and most likely you end up sleeping in your room or how many instances have prepared the new year declaration, to give up on smoking and probably a few of you could have renounced to smoking but only for some days. Then, you came back to your usual habit of smoking.

However, you don’t have to be alarmed or do not believe that you are the only person experiencing this stage of the existence. The existence has its good times and its bad times and there are countless number of emotions that an individual has run into in his or her life. Therefore, self-control is the main solution for the inner expansion and self-attainment of an individual. For controlling yourself you must primary attempt to establish a list of all the things you consider are required to be managed in you. Subsequent to planning the things, the subsequently hard stride is executing your plan. If you are determined to give up on smoking at that time, apart from the huge will power you are supposed to include for controlling smoking, simultaneously you must also include the complete confidence in you. Attempt at all time to include optimistic energy in you since if you are going to think positively at that time you are able to definitely attain your objective.  Simply have faith in yourself and inform other people in relation to your achievement as well.

Continue to inform individuals that you quitted smoking therefore other people will put confidence in you as well. Self-motivation is among the most significant methods for self-control. You must attempt to stimulate yourself in each stride of your existence. Once more, self-motivation starts with positive approach.

A positive approach in life will not simply help you to comprehend your interior being while it will produce as well positive vibes in other people surrounding you which at its turn facilitates you to experience a fit existence with a restricted soul. However living a self-controlled existence not only indicates that you are supposed to include a huge will power to resist but in addition avoid yourself from falling in the trap of enticement. That indicates for example that you are determined to eliminate mass. At what time you observe a piece of tempting chocolate cake ahead of you, the chance is that you would be incapable of controlling yourself from consuming the cake. Therefore the most excellent thing to do in these types of situations is staying away from the plate of cake. Saying it differently, if you are not able to oppose to alcohol do not keep a bottle of whisky near you for avoiding the knowledge of temptation or enticement. Therefore by obeying these simple methods you are able to manage your existence and live a joyful contended one.

PERFECT

’m Perfect


Have you noticed that the word ‘imperfect’ splits up to make “I’m perfect”? 


As the years go on and society advances far beyond our general knowledge, we, as humans, have forgotten one simple inevitable fact of life: we are not perfect. With the goal to have the perfect life, the perfect career, the perfect major, the perfect GPA, the perfect transcript, the perfect recommendation letter from the perfect teacher who will love us 

Photo credit: Elizabeth G., 
Marblehead, MA

Author's comments about this article:

 Being around a competitive group of teenagers who pretty much think "ivy league or bust", I have noticed that no matter how successful someone may be in other people's eyes, he or she is never completely satisfied with himself. This article is a ode from me to them--telling them that they are perfect in their own unique ways. 

for being perfect and nothing short of that, we have seemed to forget that we were created to be imperfect, to make mistakes. We have wrongly shamed ourselves into thinking that we must always have the most honorable careers, major in the respectful majors, get into the highest ranked colleges, and achieve that perfect 4.0 average (6.0 on our scale). 


And if we don’t, which most likely we won’t, we view ourselves as failures. We label ourselves stupid when we don’t get a 100 on an ‘easy’ test. We grumble and moan when someone else scores higher on a test when they didn’t study as much. Words such as “stupid”, “moron”, and “gah” are thrown around a lot more than “smart”, “brilliant”, or “talented”. Yes, you should strive. Yes, you should try as hard as you can to achieve your goals. But you shouldn’t be so pressured to the point when you lose all happiness and joy in life, when you stop seeing the good and starting lamenting on the bad. Who established that a score of a 100 means you are competent and a 90 means you are not? Who created the law that if you don’t get into Harvard, you are not as worthy as the person who did?


Society did. We did. Our parents did. We deny it sometimes, but it is always there, the rules looming over us. Slowly, but surely, society controls everything we do. Money has value and worth only because society says it does. We follow rules only because society has implanted into our heads that this is right and that is wrong. People who wake up at 12 are considered lazy no matter what they were doing the night before. And why? Because society has already generalized waking up in the afternoon as an act of the lazy and unmotivated. 


As people we are meant to be different, to make different choices and lead different lives. One of the best things about life is learning. And learning only comes from foolishness and experiences. What does the perfect person have to learn? Why live if you already know everything? Those who say that life is not measured by the number of breaths in one’s life, but by the number of moments that take one’s breath away are right. And the only way to have those breathless moments is to take risks, be foolish, and learn wisely. Why is it so wrong to make mistakes? No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes. So why is it viewed so negatively to be imperfect? 


If you think about it, all of the happy moments in our life come from those so-called mistakes. If you hadn’t screwed up on that one question, you wouldn’t have learned such a valuable mistake. If you hadn’t tripped on that sidewalk, your future husband wouldn’t have stopped to help you up. If you hadn’t been so depressed from your current job, you would have never stopped and tried to create a happier life. If you had never sinned like Hester did in The Scarlet Letter, you would have never had that one shining Pearl in your life. 


We view our ‘flaw’ as something to hide, always wanting to prove others wrong by achieving what we view as greatness. Society views that to be mistaken is to be incompetent and incompetency is unattractive. However, a robot is perfect, but do you view a robot as attractive? Coffee machines are perfect—with perfect conditions, they perform their job with 100% accuracy—to make coffee. But all these perfect things don’t emote, they don’t write, they don’t smile, they don’t fight. They don’t live. They perform their jobs, perfectly, until it is their time to go and then they silently leave, only to be replaced. People are meant to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow and flourish. You ARE your mistakes. They create the layers that define you.


So in a sense, because of our imperfections, we are, truly, perfect. Perfection leads to consistency. Imperfections lead to spontaneity. Think about the happiest moment of your life. I’m willing to bet that you didn’t get that memory from being perfect. Imperfections and mistakes make us better people, we feel and emote from the imperfections in life. And emotions are what separate us from robots. So you see, the imperfections make us who we are—humans.

!00% FRIENDSHIP ???? % ENEMITY THEN ??????

  
 “O my friends, there are no friends.” - Aristotle
 A friend is a person capable of loving irrespective of whether he is being loved or not.  Friendship can exist between the same sex: man-man, woman-woman, or opposite sex: man-woman.  It transcends age and could subsist between even an old man and a small boy.  Human beings also establish friendships with their pet animals such as cats, dogs, horses, doves and parrots.  Friendship can also be felt in familial relationships between father and son, mother and daughter, husband and wife, brother and sister, elder brother and younger brother. Yet, more than friendship, love is the binding force in familial relationships. In a deeper sense, love is below friendship because it is an above/below relation, one of hierarchy and condition.  It is implied, then, that friendship is freedom plus equality.  It involves choice and volition. The concept of friendship needs exploration because often a man is known by the company 
he keeps; knowing the company helps one to know oneself and develop his personality to the fullest.  Each of our friends mirrors a rejected or acknowledged trait in us.  They happen to be our friends because it is ourselves in different forms, and a unified vision of them constitutes to the sameness of our identity.Generally, friendship exists for three reasons:  a)  virtue  b)  usefulness  c) pleasure.  When virtue is the reason, friendship exists for the sake of friendship; where both like each other and cherish each other for some creditable values in the other’s personality.  You wish to be the friend of that person for the sheer personality that he/she has.  It has a magic in itself.  It attracts you.  And it is mutual.  You know that you would even die to swear your friendship for that person.  But you also know that the other would 
make you live than die for him/her.  It is somewhat platonic in concept inasmuch as the other may not be/need not be all that intelligent and good looking, useful or capable of giving pleasure.
 A friendship of the second kind is formed for the utilitarian value of it.  How useful so and so is to me?  What can I benefit from him?  Can I use his car?  Will he use his reputation and influence to fetch me a good job?  Will he lend me money in need?  Thus a person may ask and maintains relationship for practical, professional, and political reasons.  
          I remember the friendship I made with two others on a train journey from Mumbai to Goa  It was extremely useful for killing time during the journey.  
Further, all of us had to go to the bus-stand to continue our onward travel.  Therefore we took an Taxi till the bus-stand and shared the money.  But then, once we boarded our buses to our 
destinations, we were looking forward to meet our people at the hometown.  That is the quality of this friendship; it is useful but lasts so long as the need for utility persists.  Once we do away with the utility  need the friendship eventually dies.  It holds good only for that moment and need.
          Friendship of the third kind is formed essentially on account of the pleasure the relationship is capable of giving.  He is a joker.  The moment he enters, you forget all your worries.  You cannot but wonder what new joke he has got up in his sleeve to make you roar into laughter.  And he never disappoints you that way.  She is cute, intelligent and charming.  The very notion that she is your friend makes you feel proud.  That she walks, talks and takes tea with you is enough.  You are on cloud nine.  The point rests here:  How good is he/she in giving me pleasure--physically, emotionally, mentally and 
materialistically?Now to the question:  Which of the three is good?  It appears that type A is good, but it is not as useful or joyful as the other types. Type B is good, yet it falls short of longevity and quality.  Type C too is good, but how long one enjoys only pleasure in life?  How many jokes can a person take in a day? And does it give the same pleasure as it gave to him in the beginning?  Doesn’t he reach a saturation point, a mental and emotional exhaustion?  Where he would rather prefer to be left alone to himself?  Would 
prefer to shed a tear inside rather than go on laughing at the follies of the world?
 In close observation, it would be revealed that all these type differences are not watertight 
compartments.  They overlap with each other.  
                      A relationship started on the basis of usefulness may also get elevated to the status of virtue in due course.  Similarly a virtuous friendship also could soon impart 
usefulness and pleasure.  It would be an ideal package to have all the three together. But you see my friend, how difficult it is to form relationships? Virtue-based relationships are formed mostly during childhood, schooldays.  Sometimes later, at college days, when we live in a state of blissful ignorance, or rather, fool’s paradise.  But once one tastes the coldness of reality and learns to conduct oneself a successful professional, the circumstance demands 
 to have friendships on the basis of usefulness/pleasure.  Be it sharing a cigarette or going for a 
picnic or deciding to invest in the same company shares together.  
         Though I said earlier that it is capable of developing a virtue out of it in due course, mind you, it is not a virtue in itself.  Virtue-based friendship is fantastic for this reason: it lasts till the end of this universe!  Though it is disheartening to realise that most of the virtue-based relationships is formed during our young, immature (ironically because we were thinking at that time that we were the most matured of the lot!), developing stage--the mind then was remarkably uninhibited and the ears listened without prejudice and the tongues twisted smoothly to the words that flew out from the bottoms of hearts--it is gladdening to know that value based friendships are also formed in a professional/political/materialistic milieu. 
           Often less in number, it is formed, surprisingly, in a short span and lasts till eternity!  That telepathic, intuitive Richard Bachian understanding works out here:  “You know your friend in a moment, than your acquaintances in 
a life time.”So far so good about friends and friendships. . .  All of a sudden, do I sound cynical a bit?  Perhaps Frederick Neitzsche feels that the right kind of friendship occurs only when we realise the enemy within and without.  Hence when Aristotle said, “O friends, there are no enemies,” Neitzsche in his very characteristic way retorted by saying, “O enemies, there are no enemies.”  While Aristotle implied that friends are really enemies in disguise, Neitzsche conjectured to the contrary that enemies are friends in disguise!  He was contemptuous of our tendency to give only to our friends.  But not to our enemies.  The reader should not confuse this notion with the Christian doctrine of ‘love thy neighbours’ or ‘if a 
person slaps on your cheek, show him the other’ stuff, .  
              All that Neitzsche wants to convey is this: while one is so generous in giving to his friends, he must also learn how to give to his enemies.  Failing which, for him, there could be no friendship at all.Taking cues from Nietzsche we should not only concede the enemy in the friend but also recognise in advance so that we may not be caught unawares and be saved of increased blood-pressure levels and doctor bills.  Our best friend is endowed with the capability of becoming our worst enemy.  It is always for sure.  A stranger can be an enemy but not worst enemy.  Remember Brutus, for instance.  
We always say that Caesar was so strong that he would not have died even if millions of daggers were to pierce him but for the one dagger of betrayal that penetrated his heart and took away his last breath.  That others were interested in the death of Caesar was of no matter to the mighty emperor, but his bosom friend saw a point in it made him give up all his hope for survival.  If my death would benefit Brutus, so be it, thought Caesar and died of heart-break, not of haemorrhage, we may categorically conclude.  Nevertheless, this does not always happen in                           Shakespearean dramas and present Hindi movies, but in reality too.  A person who had this soul-bending/mending experience wisely knows that love is just an absence of hate as day is just an absence of night.  In the words of Jaques Derrida: 
        If you want a friend, you must wage war on him, and capable of it, capable of   having a ‘best enemy.’  To be capable of this friendship, to be able to honour in   the friend the enemy he can become, is a sign of freedom.  Freedom itself.  Now   this is a freedom that neither tyrants not slaves know.”(1997: 282).  One should be capable of respecting the enemy, of honouring what one does not love.  Incapable of such a respect, incapable of the freedom entailed by that respect, one could never have either friends or enemies as such.  “Only a 
free and respectful consciousness could ever attain to this as such, this phenomenal essence of the friend or enemy, as well as of the couple they form (ibid.).”
                 In conclusion, recognition of enmity even when friendship is alive and kicking can give a cosmic and comprehensive view of a relationship resulting in its intensified quality and enhanced exchange of friendly love.  But leaving this aspect of friendship in the dark, will soon render a relationship arbitrary and leaves its partners in a quandary with rankling fear for continuity/discontinuity.  That’s why, when we preserve the fond memories of our friends in the attics, refrigerators and pickle bottles of our minds and hearts, let’s open those wicket-gates of our souls in esteem of our enemies too!  And, from now on, we shall vow together and say:  Welcome enemies and happy stay friends!

SOUL JOB

Plato, an ancient Greek philosopher, originated the theory of soul mates. He believed that humans were born with 4 arms, 4 hands, and 2 faces. Zeus, Greek King of Gods, saw this as a potential threat and split everyone in half; thereby, condemning everyone to a life of trying to find their other half in order to be whole.

In modern day life, we consider our soul mate as someone who has similar characteristics, dislikes and likes, as well as compliments our differences. What if the same concept applied to finding our “soul job?”

1. Find a career/job that you would enjoy, even in the most challenging times.
   We all know that it can’t be peaches and cream everyday. For example, firemen realize that they are going to be saving lives and going into fire and smoke-filled homes and buildings to save lives, but they still do it. They understand the threats and still come to work everyday and give 110%. You can do the same.
2. Explore the unexpected. Think outside the career box.
   Ever thought about working in a job that you would otherwise think unsuitable for you? Currently, you may be a clerk or cashier in a retail store, did you ever think about being a doctor or a nurse? Think about why you haven’t started on the journey to being who you want to be, and then think about what it takes to become whole and get the job you really want. It may seem frightening at first, because you are considering the time, money, and effort, but wouldn’t it be worth it? Aren’t YOU worth it?
3. Conduct research
   After thinking about what you really want to do, determine what steps you will need to complete to accomplish your goals. Will you need to go back to school? How long will it take? Do you know someone already in the field that can give you advice and even be a mentor? Now is the time to begin living the dream that will become a reality. Be realistic, you know you won't be a certified nurse in a year. Realize time constraints, be optimistic. This will make getting your soul job all the more satisfying.
4. Look for alternative opportunities within your current employer.
   So you like the company you are with, but the job position isn’t really what you want to do. Be consistent and check the job board or company listings. Be subtle and let people know you are interested in taking on more responsibilities in order to reach your goal within the company. If the job you desire requires more education or experience, refer back to tip #3 and research what you need to do to get to where you want to be.

It takes some people a lifetime to find a soul mate, and some are still unsuccessful. Finding a ‘soul job’ requires keeping an open mind, being persistent and ambitious. Does your half have what it takes to get what you want to become whole?

9 SIMPLE WAYS TO INFLUENCE PEOPLE

Persuasiveness is one of the most important skills anyone can learn because it is useful in countless situations. At work, at home, and in your social life, the ability to be persuasive and influence others can be for achieving goals and being happy.

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Here are 9 of the best tricks to be persuasive and influence others: 

Framing
Framing is a technique often used in politics. A popular example of framing is inheritance taxes. Politicians who are opposed to inheritance taxes will call them death taxes. By using the word death instead of inheritance, all kinds of negative connotations come to mind.

Framing is quite subtle, but by using emotionally charged words, like death, you can easily persuade people to your point of view.

Mirroring
Mirroring someone is when you mimic their movements. The movement can be virtually anything, but some obvious ones are hand gestures, leaning forward or away, or various head and arm movements. We all do this unconsciously, and if you pay attention you'll probably notice yourself doing it, I know I have.

How to mirror someone is self explanatory, but a few key things to remember are to be subtle about it and leave a delay between the other person's movement and your mirroring, 2-4 seconds works best.

Scarcity
This is one that advertisers use a lot. Opportunities, whatever they are, seem a lot more appealing when there is a limited availability.

This can be useful to the average person in the right situation, but even more importantly, this is a method of persuasionto be aware of. Stop and consider how much you're being influenced by the fact that a product is scarce. If the product is scarce, there must be a ton of demand for it right?

Reciprocation
It's the old saying, "Do unto others...". When someone does something for us, we feel compelled to return the favor. So, if you want someone to do something nice for you, why not do something nice for them first. In a business setting, maybe you pass them a lead. If at home, maybe it's you letting the neighbor borrow the lawn mower. It doesn't matter where or when you do it, the key is to compliment the relationship.

Timing
People are more likely to be agreeable and submissive when they're mentally fatigued. Before you ask someone for something they might not be quick to agree to, try waiting until a more opportune time when they've just done something mentally taxing. This could be at the end of the work day when you catch a co-worker on their way out the door. Whatever you ask, a likely response is, "I'll take care of it tomorrow."

Congruence
We all try, subconsciously, to be consistent with previous actions. One great example is a technique used by salespeople. A salesperson will shake your hand as he is negotiating with you. In most peoples minds, a handshake equates to a closed deal, and so by doing this before the deal is reached, the salesperson is much more likely to negotiate you in to a closed deal.

A good way to use this yourself is to get people acting before they make up their minds. If, for example, you were out and about with a friend and you wanted to go see a movie but the friend was undecided, you could start walking in the direction of the theater while they make up their mind.

Fluid Speech
When we talk, we often use little interjections and hesitant phrases such as "ummm" or "I mean" and of course there is the ubiquitous "like". These little conversation quirks have the unintended effect of making us seem less confident and sure of ourselves, and thus less persuasive.

If you're confident in your speech, others will be more easily persuaded by what you have to say.

Herd Behavior
We are all natural born followers. It's sad but true. We constantly look to those around us to determine our actions; we have the need for acceptance.

A simple, effective way to use this to your advantage is to be a leader, let the herd follow you.

Friends and Authorities 
We are far more likely to follow or be persuaded by someone we like or by someone who is in an authority position. Not only is this a good one to be aware of to combat persuasive techniques being used on you, it's also a good one to use on others because you would be surprised how easy it is to get people to like you and establish authority within groups.

Give some of these ideas a shot and let us know if you are suddenly selling more, having more favors done for you, or becoming a master of delegation and persuasion at work!

HARD WORKING INDIANS...............................

We’ve often heard about how lazy Indians are or are supposed to be. Well, I am not sure whether this is the case now, or if it ever was…let me pen down my personal observations first.

Everywhere I look, people are working and working damn hard. Lets start with the neighbourhood driver. His working day starts at 8 a.m. and ends at 11 p.m and if he is lucky he gets leave for important family occasions. He gets Sundays and festival days off, but not always. The drivers who are permanent employees of corporates have an easier time, but they too work 12 hours a day. Just 12 hours a day works out to be 72 hours a week, not counting sundays.

Our construction laborers? A little less – 8-10 hours but they do hard physical labour. Being contract labour, they often get paid per day so for them there are no paid holidays.

Our housemaids. Quite a few start their working day at 7 a.m. and end it at 7. p.m – seven days a week! Most of them go from house to house and do heavy physical work, with only an hour’s break for lunch. And if there are maids who do not work this much it’s because they have to do back breaking work at home. Most of them do not a get a day off either at home or at work…because even if one household agrees, the other may not. The lucky ones are those who have one good and kind employer.

We don’t even have to mention our child labour…many of the kids work in poor conditions 14 hours a day without a break and without pay.

The security guards. They work 12 hours a day, officially. Take our police – they easily work 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week.

And most of these people earn a pittance per month, barely enough to cover their minimum needs and most of them live in squalor.

But this post is not just about poor people. My husband for example routinely works for 12 hours a day and the number of hours he works has actually reduced as he has got older. When he was 27 or so, he would tour 25 days a month, walk great distances during working hours, and when he was in the office, he worked easily 14-16 hours a day. He’s done it all…like roughing it out in the hinterlands of India. Very often he found it difficult to attend family functions and even today he works on Sundays at times. And if I look around me, I see this phenomena everywhere. Its not just my husband – everyone I know works like that. My cousin and her husband (surgeons) slog the whole day, do a high tension job but rarely take a break. Then our family friend in Delhi who runs a business…he works all the time. Lives, breathes and thinks work.

Take someone like Laxmi Nivas Mittal. Apparently he worked 16-18 hours a day seven days a week at one time and even today he works very long hours.

But I am not talking of just successful people here. Or even unskilled laborers.

I am talking of ordinary people, executives, managers, cooks, call centre workers, actors in TV serial, spot boys…I can go on and on. A five day week is very very rare for these people…sure there are those who do a 9-5 job too (government babus?) but such people exist all over the world, not just in India. In fact one of my cousins who was born and brought up in America was astounded at the way we work. He actually pitied us and was glad to live in the U.S. Our ‘work’ starts almost from our birth…our kids are put into school early, forced to learn the alphabet early, our sixth graders struggle to carry their school books and our ninth graders have to study so hard that they have little time for fun. By the time they finish school, the little time they had for leisure is depleted further.

Apparently this heavy pressure to succeed, the hard work that Indians have to do just to survive, is a natural phenomena in emerging economies. There’s this global survey which gives us the statistics…ofcourse it only talks of business executives.

According to the survey:

…business leaders around the world work on average 53 hours a week with Europeans working the fewest (50) hours, followed by respondents in East Asia (53 hours) and NAFTA (54 hours). Business leaders in emerging economies tend to work the longest hours with India and Argentina at the top of the league table, both at 57 hours a week, followed by Armenia, Australia and Botswana (all 56 hours a week). Italian business leaders work the least number of hours (47) a week in the world, followed predominately by European countries with Sweden, the Netherlands, Ireland and Spain all on 48 hour average working weeks.

I guess we cannot look forward to working even 50 hours a week in the near future!  Anyway, I don’t think working so hard is such a bad thing. We are all so busy living and struggling that we have less time to be unhappy! I think overall we are a happy people notwithstanding surveys which state otherwise. Those surveys mainly ask people whether they are satisfied with the amount of money they have, whether they have a good house etc. but in India people are capable of being happy inspite of living in miserable physical conditions, with all its attendant frustrations. A walk through the slums is enough for us to know that. No one mugs you, no one looks at you with envy…they are alright.